What do you see in this photo? If it were me answering, I would likely say that I wasn’t seeing much of anything. It is basically a picture of murky water taken at an uninteresting angle. Some might point out that there are ripples from the wind gliding across the surface of the water. Others might also note the dark plant life growing near the bottom of the photo. After these short assessments there isn’t much else to discuss about this. You won’t find something like this at an art gallery with people gathered around it speculating on all the elements the artist is using. It really isn’t that interesting.
Until I tell you that this photo has probably fourteen small fish in it. You might be the type of person to go looking carefully at the photo to pick them out, but I’m pretty sure that you are not able to see them. The light from the sun on the surface of the water kept me from being able to spot them, and I took the picture. I had been sitting on a dock, staring into the water for a while when I realized just how many little fish there were around me. It took looking at the water from different angles and refocusing my vision a few times to take them all in. They were very content to sit fairly still, swaying with the slight current the wind was making. And it got me to thinking, “What if this is how we see people?”
How many times have you asked someone how they are doing, gotten a response totaling three words and taken it as the sincere truth about their lives? I am not judging or shaming if this is you. I have the tendency of doing this exact thing. I get busy and passively ask about people, then don’t even wait for a response. But what if the uninteresting response is the surface, while beneath more is going on? This kind of discovery takes time. It takes looking at someone from different angles and refocusing to see what is just beneath that thin surface of light at the top. I don’t think this kind of interaction can happen when we are in the middle of our day, rushing to get all of life done before we tuck ourselves into bed. This takes intention. It costs time.
As a therapist, I get to sit with people and dive beneath that surface in such a unique way. In the hour I have with my clients, I get to go much deeper than most other people. But sometimes I forget to do this in my personal life. What about you? When was the last time you sat and listened to a friend without having an agenda or during an activity? When was the last time you heard someone say, “I’m hanging in there,” and responded with a wholehearted, “Would you like to talk about it?” My challenge to you is to think of someone this week (maybe a spouse, significant other, a friend) and let them know you are thinking of them and would like to catch up…then DO IT! Let’s not let our interactions with the people in our lives be like looking at a picture and dismissing it due to lack of surface interest. People matter, so let’s start letting them know.